Parents

There are many different ways in which parents respond to finding out that their child is lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT).

* It can range from total acceptance with parents not only accepting their child but also wanting to know more about what it is like for them, providing support and understanding, joining Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (FFLAG) and challenging societal homophobia and transphobia.

* At the other extreme there are families who totally reject their child, throw them out of the family home and never speak to them ever again.

* Some parents respond with shock and horror, create a scene and threaten their child not to tell anyone else but eventually come round to some level of tolerance; however, they never talk about the 'issue' again.

* There are parents who purposefully denigrate homosexuality in the hope that this will stop their child being gay. Some parents go to great lengths to stop their children meeting other gay young people.

* Some go to extreme lengths to try and change their child, which is impossible.

What GALYIC Members Say
During a discussion session, members came up with the following list for parents whose children are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender:

* Parents need to be comfortable with the sexuality of their children.

* Parents need to take on board the blatant homophobic bullying their children will experience and develop ways of supporting them through this.

* Young people should be able to talk to their parents who should be able to understand what they are going through; they need to be open-minded and accept their children for who they are.

* Parents should encourage their children to come to GALYIC and/or talk to someone who knows what they are going through and knows how to support them.

* It can be difficult too for parents who are seen as either homophobic or cool, even the most caring will need to come to terms with their child being gay; they should be made aware of websites and places that they can go for support.

Parent's Stories
Here is a link to the story of how one mother loves and accepts her gay son.

Family Acceptance Project
The Family Acceptance Project (FAP), based at San Francisco State University, has conducted research with young LGBT people.

They found that the response of parents to their child's sexual orientation/gender identity can make a huge difference in their child's vulnerability to self-harm, substance misuse and sexual health.

Here is a link to a radio programme which discusses the research and how parental acceptance helps to reduce the vulnerability of young LGBT people.

FAP have produced an excellent booklet for parents: if your love your child and find out they are LGBT you should read this.

Click here to download the booklet: you will have to put in your email address and postcode so that FAP can contact you (by email) to ask you what you think of the publication.

Coming Out
Parents need to go through a similar coming out process of accepting their child's sexual/gender orientation as the young people themselves have to; it is therefore important that you read the section on Coming Out.

Without support, many parents (like some LGBT people) remain stuck with internal beliefs that homosexuality is a perversion, against nature or their religion and simply cannot accept that their child is gay.

Further Resources
Click here for a power point presentation which includes data from the GALYIC research. Here are the case studies referred to in the presentation.